What if — an agonizing feeling that no one is spared from.
We all find ourselves in situations where we look back and think about things we have done, things we should have done, things we should not have done, or things we should have done differently. They are not necessarily regrets, but more of questioning and second-guessing the choices we have made. I for one get this feeling a lot, and I find myself thinking about how life could have been if my choices would have been different.
What if I studied harder in school: I would have gotten into a better college with more opportunities, which means better job and satisfaction. But, who can guarantee that would have happened- so I'd rather be happy about the other things I did and not just study all the time.
What if I stayed at my old job: I would have gotten to be roommates with my best friend for a much longer time, and would have definitely enjoyed more and I wouldn’t be stressed because of studying, assignments, exams. But, that would also mean settling at a job I didn't like much, and not getting the opportunities I did after I decided to leave it behind.
What if my parents were strict/conservative: I wouldn’t have any of the things I have in my life today. I probably would have been married already, and I am not sure if I would be working, and for sure, I would never had gotten to travel alone. I am very thankful for the parents I got.
What if I had different genes: maybe I would have been spared the fat shaming I have faced for most part of my life. And maybe people would see me, try to know me before tagging me as a fat kid. But, at the same time I think I am generally healthy and I would thank my genes for that.
What if I didn’t stay: maybe I would have saved myself from the pain, humiliation, and disrespect. But, maybe there's some good..? I can only hope.
What if I was a guy: This one I think of every month, I think most of us do! I wouldn't have to deal with painful things like periods and childbirth, but then the choices for clothes and shoes would be so less- so boring it would be!
What if this is all a dream: I am one of those people who get very vivid dreams and it's really hard to differentiate. What if all of this is just a dream? Am I writing this in my sleep? What is even real?
But, no matter how much we think about these things we can't go back and change our choices. And even if we could do that, I bet we would still be in this cycle of what ifs maybe wanting for the things we have now. I feel we are all trying to seek balance in life, and when things seem off our minds wander to see where what went wrong. But, we have the life we have- both good and bad, and together they make it all the more fun!
Enough about me, what are your What-Ifs?